Who I Really Am

"you look good on you.

smile, let that sink in."

- 

I was never the skinny girl and I'm still teaching myself that I shouldn't hold myself to that standard.

At too young an age, I found myself hating the curves that grew on my body.  I remember standing in the shower and checking everyday that my stomach didn't grow so big that I couldn't see my toes. I remember doing that when my friends ate whatever they wanted and fit into clothes smaller sizes than I did. 

I remember hating curves because they made school uniforms look baggy, made you look unshapely, made you undesirable. Once in school after I had just cut bangs, one of my teachers had the gall to comment in front of the entire class that I shouldn't cut bangs because I looked fat in them.

"Oh, you've put on weight!"

"Oh, you've lost weight!"

When the first thing someone tells you when they haven't seen you for a long time is about the way you look, you start wanting to look a certain way. 

So stop it. There is so much more to a person than the way they look. There are palaces inside of them of which you haven't walked the hallways of their histories, contemplated the darkness of their dungeons or tasted the richness of their depths. There are stories their hearts are aching to tell of wars lost and battles won and pieces of their heart left shattered they are still carefully treading upon. 

So instead of asking what color their walls are painted, why not ask them what lies beyond those walls? 

I am done letting someone else determine how I feel about myself, and so should you. You look good on yourself, and nothing anyone says about you can change that, unless you let them.